Top 10 lies told by local bands

In no particular order other than how i thought of them……

1. we have opened up for “insert big band here”
yes you did open up for this huge band, but most likely at a huge festival, and they played 2 days before on a completely different stage, or on the same stage but 6 hours before the headliner for all of 2 people.

2. we have a huge crowds at our shows
yes when you play on a Friday during 25 cent jaeger shot nite, however the Wednesday night show you headlined drew the drummers sister and her boyfriend, and that doubled your normal attendance.

3. we are signed to a label.
you and your friends burning cd’s in your bedrooms is not a real label, nor are any of the semi-famous indie labels, that just stick you with a big merch bill and the only support you get from them is the privilege of saying you are on that label

4. we have radio play all over the world.
the local music shows, that major stations play during off-peak advertising slots, is not airplay, nor is some college dj playing your song on their show with 3 listeners , same deal with internet radio, if you aren’t being played during normal rotation during the prime ad slots, then you aren’t getting radio play.

5. we have lots of fans
simply put friends aren’t fans, fans are people that have no idea who you are, but love your music enough to come out and see it. Friends come out because you are playing at a place where they can have fun regardless of the crap you are playing, and then tell you in a drunken slur how great you are, and how you should be on mtv.

6. we have tons of myspace friends, plays, purevolume charts etc etc.
ok I have yet to see the headline “top internet band gets signed to major label rock star deal” why? Same reason , mp3.com never produced a superstar, it’s the internet, and all those counting and tracking things can be faked with miminal skill, all that’s needed is time. Don’t believe me? Get a myspace account, make it a total joke, with a crappy song and everything, then browse thru users and invite them all to be your friend. See what the results are. Cheating plays and profile views is even easier.

7. yeah we trade shows.
this is probably the most told lie, and to clarify for everyone, trading shows is this:
A BAND GETS YOU A SHOW IN THEIR TOWN, IN RETURN YOU GET THEM A SHOW IN YOUR TOWN, pretty simple but you’d be surprised how many people can comprehend this.

8. yes we are all over 21
until they arrive at the club and all are 16. What kids don’t understand is the legal risks they are running for themselves and the club owners, in my town it’s a 200 fine plus probation for being in a place that sells booze if you aren’t 21, plus the owner gets fined as well. And honestly you can tell when someone is old enough by the way they act, so a fake id isn’t a good idea.

9. yeah we know how to do a soundcheck and set change.
ok a set change between bands takes 10 minutes, unless you are huge, and probably no one reading this is big enough to dictate this, as much as it sucks your guitar player is going to have to learn how to either set up his massive array of effects in that time, or deal with not having a bunch of unnecessary stuff to use on one bridge of one song. also you don’t need to have the perfect monitor mix either, nothing worse than sitting thru a 30 min soundcheck because the singer wants to have more reverb on the guitar in the monitor, usually after seeing a band pull that, you can pretty much guarantee they are going to suck, most often just too loud to stand.

10. we have toured all over our area.
playing 4 towns within 10 miles isn’t touring, neither is playing each weekend at the major colleges around you. If you don’t spend more than 3 nites in your van it is not a tour.

remember that club owners talk amongst themselves, so you may think you pulled one over on someone, but then everyone else in the area is now hip to your game.